I used to go to football matches a fair bit. My dad is an obsessive fan and ex-player, and my husband loves Fulham Football Club rather more than any heterosexual American man should. Anyway, the PSV Eindhoven stadium and Craven Cottage are familiar venues to me, and I have even traveled for football, to stadiums like Nou Camp in Barcelona. But the best moments in my football fan career have been Fulham home games against Manchester United in the early 2000s when David Beckham would take corner kicks just a short distance from my husband's season ticket seats. I never needed to be drunk to scream Nice ass, David!!!!! at the top of my lungs. It was simply the best ass ever, even when covered by big baggy shorts.
On Saturday The Daily Telegraph reported that David is ready to help England. Well, H A L L E L U J A H ! ! !
I am not sure we will ever see another 1966 out of the English, but if David helps, they are for sure going to be the hottest footballers seen anywhere. If he will make them work out as hard as he does, they will all have rock hard six-pack bodies. If he will work on their facial hair, none of them will ever have to worry about hair plugs again (who needs hair on the scalp when they could have a perfect stubble on the jaw - Wayne, please take notes). If he will dress them their football jerseys will be tighter than those of gli azzurri (the blues, a.k.a. the Italians), and their suits will be Savile Row tailoring in Italian Super 150s wool. What is not to love. Please please pretty please, people in the Football Association, heed the call.